When you have a special needs kid, so many ideals that might have been important seem to fall by the wayside. Getting straight A’s (or whatever) or making the A team give way to things like making a good friend or being accepted. Seriously, that’s what all of us special needs parents dream of. It’s a hard road, sometimes, because we have no control and really very little influence. We try to put our kids in situations where they will have some success, but ultimately other people are involved, and there’s nothing we can really do about that. We try to help, and then we hope for the best.
So last week when Maddie went to school with her well-crafted duct-tape sword, and then came home with requests for two custom ones, I was thrilled. It wasn’t the response I had expected. At all. Wouldn’t you think that in high school, bringing a homemade duct tape sword (or really a sword of any kind) would be the source of open ridicule? Or at the very least a reason for sideways glances and judgmental murmurings?
Well, not only has this not been the case (as far as I can tell), the response has been quite the opposite.
Maddie arrived home from school today while I was out with the dogs. When I arrived home, she was exactly where I expected her to be: flat on her back in her room watching her favorite anime, which, I was delighted to learn recently, has twenty-seven seasons…so far. Every time she announces she has completed a season, I congratulate her on her excellent skills in TV-watching. Thankfully, she’s used to my sarcasm.
The first thing on my mind is always homework, but I try to play it cool and get some information about her day before I dive in to the serious stuff. I’m interested in that, of course, but kind of worried about the homework situation. When I greeted her, I smiled and asked how her school day was.
Her face lit up and she smiled. Big. “Awesome!” she exclaimed. Not just the usual answer of “great,” so I had a feeling something special had happened. She reached over to her nightstand and picked up a piece of paper, then unfolded it and handed it to me. Clearly she was excited about whatever was written down there.
The entire page was filled with writing. And it said:
“Pink and purple. No tail.”
“Blue and red, white tail, no black.”
Six entries in all. They are orders for swords. Six more people want her to make her signature duct-tape swords and bring them to school. I couldn’t believe it.
That truly is the opposite of what I expected. Not only were her swords not met with derision; they are desired. Maddie has something special, and at least some kids (and at least two teachers) recognize and celebrate it.
What my husband and I have always focused on, and desired most for Maddie at school, is the social piece. Sure, we want her to learn and develop herself intellectually. But more than anything we have put our dreams into Maddie having friends and being accepted. We want her to be respected, liked, and admired for the special gifts she has. She’s nerdy in the typical sense, but way cooler than most kids in the most meaningful ways. (Nerds rule, by the way.)
When she was at the private school, ALL the kids were “quirky.” It’s a school for learning differences, after all, so different is expected. For those three years, she was able to break away from the public middle school, especially, and just be herself in a place where there are no mean girls (though still some drama), no cliques, no way to get lost in the shuffle because it’s such a small school. And she emerged from there a young lady with an unusual sense of confidence in herself. We just hoped that confidence wouldn’t be crushed by her return to a more typical high school setting.
So today, the day of the big sword order, my heart is full. I don’t think Maddie sees the larger significance of this event, but she definitely feels something powerful. She feels important, I think. And she should feel important.
So I will happily buy all the duct tape and PVC pipe she needs to fulfill her orders. I envision an entire school of kids walking around with Maddie’s duct-tape swords. I know that’s a fantasy, but I’m going to enjoy that vision while I watch Maddie work diligently to complete her creations. And feeling pretty cool while she does it.
The Year of Living Hopefully 