The Year of Living Hopefully

I find myself often out of the loop on things. Over the years, I have come to the conclusion that it’s my own doing. I must not pay attention to some of the information coming my way.

For example, on the last day of school when Maddie was in first grade, I was sitting at home while my son napped, watching the clock and waiting for the right moment to wake him up so we could pick Maddie up for the last time that year.

At 1:00 p.m. the phone rang. It was Maddie’s teacher.

“Did you know that school got out at 12:30?” she asked.

And my reaction was one of utter and complete surprise. I didn’t think “Oh, right! I forgot!” I thought, “Well, that’s news to me!” Apparently it was not news to a single other parent at that school. I imagine that little tidbit of information had been delivered to me via emails and handouts, but somehow or other I never received it. Or my brain never processed it.

It’s now two months into the school year, and I was thinking the other night about how, apparently, there is some way to log on to the school website and view your student’s grades. I wasn’t sure how that was done, at all. I’m not sure that I have ever seen any information about this account, but I had heard rumors.

Luckily, it turned out I had set up the account when I registered Maddie for school, so I was able to log on pretty quickly once I decided to do it. Phew! That was easy.

And then, to my amazement, I saw it. A list of her classes on the left, and a column of A’s to the right. Not even an A minus. A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A. Or however many there were. A couple of comments, too: “A pleasure to have in class.” “Does excellent work.”

Okay, I knew she was probably a pleasure to have in class, but the rest of it just blew my mind. So much so that I literally couldn’t believe it.

So I texted my friend Laura, who knows things. She is one of the people I call to get the straight story. Or advice.

“Do you know if the grade defaults to an A if the teacher hasn’t entered it yet?” was my question. She was embarrassed to say she didn’t know. Of course she didn’t know. Why would anybody even think that? What parent would look at this fabulous report card, and think, This must be a mistake?

Well, I would think that because in all of Maddie’s 10 1/2 years of school, she has never gotten straight A’s. As you must know by now, she has the intellectual capability to do that, she just has other challenges (like ADD and a general lack of motivation) that have gotten in her way. I’ve never even made a big deal about grades because that’s always been a secondary (or even tertiary) issue with her. My first order of business is to get her to school, and if she goes, well, let the chips fall where they may, I guess.

My son’s progress report came in the mail the next day. So I knew it was time for mid-term grades. I called another friend. “Did you get your daughter’s progress report grades?” I asked. “Well, it IS time for them,” she answered.

I thought about it some more. Obviously there had been direct input into the system, or there wouldn’t have been comments.

So here we are. So far, in Maddie’s first year at a public high school, where she is taking geometry and science in the regular classes, she is acing it.

“Maddie, I just looked up your grades online. It looks like you have all A’s. Is that possible?” I asked.

“Yep,” she shrugged. No big deal, apparently.

The day before I had looked up Maddie’s grades, there was a shortened school day to accommodate the special PSAT that was being offered to sophomores. Maddie was not signed up. Once again, I didn’t even know about it. I’m not sure if that was my oversight, or if we were not included because of Maddie’s special ed status. I couldn’t say whether or not I would have signed her up–I was thinking probably not–but I wished I’d had the choice.

I feel so un-anchored when it comes to Maddie’s future. While everybody else is talking about college, my picture of Maddie after high school is so murky. She has the brains to go to college, but does she have the motivation and self-discipline? Can she get enough help in that regard? Before the progress report, I was so skeptical about the likelihood of her going to college.

Now I don’t know what to think! She spends very little time at home doing school work, but she is clearly making the most of her time at school, and she hasn’t actually studied anything in her life but manages to ace tests anyway.

Next year I will have her take the PSAT. She usually does well on standardized tests. So she might as well try.

Because with this kid, there are plenty of surprises. I don’t know (or particularly care) what she’s going to do with herself, but I want her to have every opportunity to make choices. I don’t want to underestimate her. I also don’t want to expect so much that I set her up for failure. So I guess my challenge is to put expectations aside, and just support Maddie in her endeavors. Give her opportunities, and see what happens.

For who knows what tomorrow will bring?